It's All About Facebook
by silver tears and wasted fears
Summary: Because Myspace has been dead for about two years now. A series of unrelated facebook fics. DEFINITLEY Puckleberry, other couples may be featured though. AU.
1. And So It Begins

**Rachel Berry** is at Breadstix with **Santana Lopez** and **Brittany Pierce. **...Am I dreaming?

**N. Puckerman** woaaaaah, wat r u doing with satan nd Britt?

**Rachel Berry **They propositioned me to become a part of their... sexual endeavors.

**N. Puckerman, Mike Chang, Kurt Hummel, Finn Hudson, and 9 others like this. **

**N. Puckerman** .. this is... the best day of my life.

**Rachel Berry** I said no, Noah.

**N. Puckerman **WHAT? WHY!

**Finn Hudson** cuz she loves me :D

**Rachel Berry likes this. **

**N. Puckerman ***gags*

**Rachel Berry** Despite the fact that I rejected their offer, I think a beautiful friendship was formed.

And Finn, yes, very much 333

**Finn Hudson likes this. **

**N. Puckerman **Idc about ur fucking friendships unless sum1's gettin naked. and again: *gags*

**Santana Lopez** whatever, Berry. You'll sucCUMb to our charms eventually. No one can resist this (;

**N. Puckerman, Sam Evans, Quinn Fabray, and 4 others like this. **

**Rachel Berry** While I appreciate the advanced vocabulary word, Santana, I do not appreciate the lewd innuendo you have put out.

_glee_

**Santana Lopez **having a sleepover with **Rachel Berry** tonight. I'm going to get her wasted and then corrupt her innocence (;

**N. Puckerman, Sam Evans, Artie Abrams, Mike Chang, and 8 others like this. **

**N. Puckerman **on my way over.

**Santana Lopez** fuck no, ur not. Berry's alllllllllllllll mine 2nite. (;

**Quinn Fabray, Brittany Pierce, and 6 others like this. **

**Finn Hudson **im not sure if i shud be jealous or turned on.

**Mercedes Jones** **and Kurt Hummel** **like this. **

**Mike Chang** Turned on, bro. Definitley turned on.

**Kurt Hummel **while you're at it, can u buy her some new clothes? PLEASE.

**Mercedes Jones likes this. **

**Will Schuester** Did you kids all forget that I'm your friend on here?

**Santana Lopez** oh, rite... Well, Schue: the kids of 2day say "wasted" as in CHOCOLATE WASTED. like, ice cream. and corrupt her innocence... well that just means fucking. Sorry, but that's not illegal.

**N. Puckerman likes this**

_glee_

**Santana Lopez** ha, rachel really can't handle her liquor...

**N. Puckerman, Quinn Fabray, and 4 others like this. **

_glee_

**Santana Lopez **HOLY FUCKIN DAMN. Rach just tongued me! and it was hot as hell. Pictures will be posted soon (;

**N. Puckerman and 14 others like this**

**N. Puckerman **holy shit. post it NOW.

**Finn Hudson** wait- does that mean she cheated on me? or duz it not count cuz ur a girl?

**N. Puckerman** post the damn picture, lopez.

**Mike Chang** that's. so. hot.

**N. Puckerman **satan, where's the fucking pic?

**Quinn Fabray** uh, mike, don't u think tina might be a lil bothered by u saying that?

**N. Puckerman **SHIT, JUST POST THE FUCKING PICTURE U BITCH.

**Tina Cohen-Chang **no, it doesn't bother me. I mean, it is hot. :D

**N. Puckerman **Holyfuckingdamn. If you dont fucking post the goddamn picture right. fucking. now. i'm gonna LOSE MY SHIT.

**Kurt Hummel** Uh, Tina... is there something you need to tell us?

**N. Puckerman **

**Artie Abrams** Well... Tina did sing "I Kissed A Girl" as her glee auditon song...

**N. Puckerman **u ovbiously don't no the meaning of "soon". it's been like... 15 minutes. I NEED THAT FUCKING PICTURE.

**Brittany Pierce** Oh, tina! you kiss girls? your pretty! u shud get in on sanny and i's sexual... auderves or whatever rachel called them

**N. Puckerman** Santana, stop fucking around. I'm about to die.

**Mercedes Jones** Its endeavors, Brit. Endeavors.

**N. Puckerman **I just fucking put my fist through a wall. This isn't a fucking joke, bitch. PUT UP MY PICTURE.

**Sam Evans** Santana, you should probably put up that picture before Puck ends up in Juvie again...

**N. Puckerman** how long does it take to put up a picture? like... two seconds? POST THE DAMN PICTURE, LOPEZ.

**Matt Rutherford** Dammit, why does all the good stuff happen once I leave?

**Quinn Fabray, Mercedes Jones, Mike Chang, and 14 others like this. **

_glee_

**Santana Lopez posted a photo**

**N. Puckerman, Sam Evans, Mike Chang, and 56 others like this. **

**N. Puckerman **SO. WORTH. THE. WAIT.

**Finn Hudson **i decided on turned on.

**Mercedes Jones** Am I the only one who noticed where Rachel's hands are?

**Kurt Hummel** I think I just turned a little straight... *

**Rachel Berry** SANTANA ANTONIA LOPEZ YOU TAKE THAT PICTURE DOWN RIGHT THIS INSTANT!

**N. Puckerman** wudn't matter if she did, Rach... already saved on my computer, and my fone, and my mind.

**Mike Chang** oh wow. her hands r definitley under san's skirt. i think i might've just died.

**Quinn Fabray** ha, Antonia's ur middle name, San?

**Santana Lopez** shut the fuck up, Quinn GERTRUDE Fabray

**Artie Abrams** How are you discussing middle names when there is clearly a picture of RACHEL BERRY kissing SANTANA LOPEZ and her hands are UNDERNEATH HER SKIRT? Really...

**Quinn Fabray **Santana: fuck u. and artie: Uh, cuz I'm straight?

**Tina Cohen-Chang** I am as well, doesn't mean I can't appreciate two hot chicks making out :D

**Rachel Berry** I am disgusted by all of you. Really, disgusted. I'm also a bit confused as to how so many people like this when there are only 12 members of glee club.

**N. Puckerman** you're hot, rach. Get over it.

**Santana Lopez and 6 others like this. **

_glee_

**Santana Lopez changed her profile picture. **

**N**. **Puckerman, Quinn Fabray, and 17 others like this. **

**Rachel Berry** Really, San? Your profile picture? Was that absolutely necessary.

**Santana Lopez** yes, yes it was.

_glee_

**Message (1)**

**From: Finn Hudson**

**To: Santana Lopez**

**Subject: Rachel**

san, ik u and rach r like bff's now, but u can't tell her about us having sex last year, ok?

**Message (1)**

**From: Santana Lopez**

**To: Finn Hudson**

**Subject: re:Rachel**

listen, finnocence, I know Rachel. she'll be a little upset about us sleeping 2gether, but she'll be more upset about u lying about it. tell her. or i will.

**Message (1)**

**From: Finn Hudson**

**To: Santana Lopez**

**Subject: re:re:Rachel**

san, we both know u won't tell her. u value ur friendship too much nd she'll FLIP. ur not that brave.

**Message (1)**

**To: Finn Hudson**

**From: Santana Lopez**

**Subject: re:re:re:Rachel**

bad move, Hudson. Bad, bad, move.

_glee_

**Santana Lopez to Rachel Berry**

Hey, rach, i need 2 talk to u about something.

**Rachel Berry to Santana Lopez**

I don't know why I am even conversing with you after you posted that utterly innapropriate photo, but... what's up?

**Santana Lopez to Rachel Berry**

it's kinda important... meet me in the choir room b4 school tm?

**Rachel Berry to Santana Lopez**

Of course :D

_glee_

**Rachel Berry is single. **

**N. Puckerman, Quinn Fabray, and 9 others like this. **

**Finn Hudson** *dislike*

**Rachel Berry** You lost the right to dislike anything I do when you LIED to me.

**N. Puckerman** the fuck did u do, Frankenteen?

**Santana Lopez** I really am sorry, Rach...

**Rachel Berry** it's alright, San. We weren't friends at the time, and even if we were, Finn and I weren't together. I also wholly appreciate you telling me.

**N. Puckerman** Berry, what'd he do?

**Quinn Fabray** he told her that he was a virgin even tho he actually slept with Santana last year...

**N. Puckerman** the fuck, Hudson? Rlly? what wud u have done if she finally put out? made her think that it was both of ur first time? shit's fucked up.

**Rachel Berry** My thoughts exactly, Noah. Well, minus the crude language.

**Finn Hudson** ur one 2 talk, puck. all u do is hit & quit. sex means nuthing 2 u.

**N. Puckerman** there has nvr been a girl that didn't no the deal. they NO that it's not anymore than a 1 nite stand. i nvr make them think it's special or a relationship or anything like that, so shut the fuck up about things u don't now wat ur talking about.

_glee_

**Finn Hudson** is any1 on my side?

**Mercedes Jones **no. die alone.

_glee_

**N. Puckerman** is having a glee party at his house. and **Finn Hudson **isn't invited.

**Will Schuester** Puck... you shouldn't exclude anyone out of glee-related activities.

**N. Puckerman** fine, it's not a glee party. it's just a party where everyone at glee is invited except 4 finn.

**Will Schuester** Well, I guess that's alright then...

**Finn Hudson** Mr. Schue! ur supposed 2 be on my side!

**Will Schuester** Sorry, Finn. I know I'm not supposed to get involved but what you did to Rachel was messed up.

**Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, and 9 others like this. **

**Rachel Berry** While I appreciate the sentiment, there is no need to exclude him just for my benefit.

**Mike Chang** it's not 4 ur benefit, Rach. We're all mad at Finn. none of us want 2 see him.

**Rachel Berry** aww, thank you :3

_glee_

**Rachel Berry is in an open relationship with Santana Lopez**

**Quinn Fabray, N. Puckerman, Mike Chang, and 39 others like this. **

**Quinn Fabray **what!

**Artie Abrams** Is this real? Or is it just like one of those girl things...

**Rachel Berry** It's real.

**Mercedes Jones** O!M!G!

**Rachel Berry** It really is not a big deal, you guys. In the future, during my Broadway career, I will have to do many different things. One of those things may be playing some sort of character who has feelings for another woman... Therefore, Santana and I have decided to embark on a sexual relationship that is not resulted out of our feelings, however, but pure lust. Well, lust on her end. Desire to climb up in life on mine. It is unexclusive however. Due to the fact that we do not have romantic feelings for eachother, nor do we want to leave out all of Santana's other... liasons. Therefore **See More**

**Mike Chang **...whaaa?

**Santana Lopez** basically, we're fuck buddies (;

**Rachel Berry** Santana, you know that I abhor that word!

**N. Puckerman** wait- so satan popped Berry's cherry?

**Santana Lopez** well, technically yes. But clinically, no. I'll leave the actual cherry popping all for you. (; (; (;

**Rachel Berry** I do not appreciate the lewd terminology that you two have used to discuss something as important as losing my virginity...

**Santana Lopez** aww, come on Rachie... Don't be such a buzzkill.

**Rachel Berry** Please do not call me "Rachie".

**Santana Lopez** you certainly didn't seem to mind when I was screaming it last night.

**Rachel Berry** What are you talking about? We did not even have intercourse last night?

**N. Puckerman** even tho rach just said "intercourse", i'm still turned on... and aww come on, don't ruin our fun. we're just the awesomeness that is pucktana.

**Mercedes Jones** OH lord, white boy. Pucktana? really?

**Rachel Berry** that's just... bad. I think I might like Finchel better than that. And Finchel was just... _ugh. _

**Finn Hudson** wow, rach. i turned u in2 a dyke now? sorry.

**Rachel Berry** Finn, I cannot believe you would ever say something like that considering your step brother and my two dads are both homesexual. That word is extremely offensive. Furthermore, you did drive me to date Santana but it did not have anything to do with her gender. You were just such a bad lover, that I was left unsatisfied and had to go to someone that I knew could. Even when Santana and I aren't having sex, she can still satisfy me.

**Santana Lopez, N. Puckerman, Mercedes Jones, and 5 others like this. **

**N. Puckerman **i wud tell finn to shut the fuck up, but it seems like rachel can handle herself...

**Santana Lopez** fuck yes! i ROCK UR WORLD, RACHIE. just say so.

_glee_

**A/N: So, yes, this was OOC. but it's also sort of... not. I don't know. I bet you weren't expecting the Pezberry huh? Don't worry, they really don't have any feelings for eachother other than sexually. Now I know the summary says unrelated but this was getting too damn long. The next one WILL progress to puckleberry. review! oh and the just turned a little staright comment came from the lovely You Hear But You Don't Listen in her fic "What They Didn't Say". it's amazing. go read it. now. **


	2. Krispy Kreme Runs

**Rachel Berry** If two months ago someone said to me that I would be hanging out with **N. **, **Puckerman **and **Santana Lopez**, I would have laughed hysterically. And yet...

**Mercedes Jones and Quinn Fabray like this. **

**Artie Abrams** Not to mention dating one of them. And the funny thing is, the one isn't even the boy...

**Kurt Hummel likes this. **

**N. Puckerman** you're our girl now, rach (;

**Rachel Berry **Noah, that almost would have been sweet if it weren't for the winky face after it. And Artie, we're not dating.

**Santana Lopez** We r not dating. Rachie is just my F.B.W.I.A.L.M.B.V.W.H.O.A.G.O.S.S.T.D.B.W.A.J.R.G.F.A.I.L.H.A.S.H.B.O.I.T.S.W.N.T.F.W.

**Quinn Fabray** uh... what?

**Rachel Berry** "F*ck Buddy who is a little more because we hang out and go on stuff similar to dates but we are just really good friends and I love her and she's hot but only in the sex way not the feelings way."

**Kurt Hummel** ...is that something u guys talked about beforehand?

**Rachel Berry** No.

**Mike Chang** ...wow. Sounds like u know her pretty well.

**Brittany Pierce** i'm glad rachie and San r friends now. i love them bothhh 3333!

**Santana Lopez** can we kill the sap fest here? pleasee.

**Finn Hudson** wow, rachel. nvr pegged u 4 a threesome type of girl.

**Mercedes Jones** White boy, if you don't shut the fuck up, I will cut you.

**Santana Lopez, Sam Evans, and 6 others like this. **

_glee_

**N. Puckerman** is totallly having eyesex with **Santana Lopez**'s girlfriend while she's IN. THE. ROOM. Fuck yeah, I'm a BAMF.

**Quinn Fabray** ...ew.

**Santana Lopez **you can have all the eyesex you want. who's has two thumbs and is gonna be making her scream my name after you leave? this girl.

**Brittany Pierce** two thumbs? wat r u talking about, san?

**Santana Lopez** nothing, Britt. just... nothing.

**Rachel Berry** NOAH. ELIJAH. PUCKERMAN. We were not having eye sex or any sort of intercourse at all! Take this status down immediately.

**Mike Chang** wchhh.

**N. Puckerman** the fuck was that, Mr. Miagi?

**Mike Chang **sound of rachel's whip.

**N. Puckerman **u think i'm whipped by crazy ass Berry? chink, PLEASE.

**Santana Lopez** which is why you totally just ran out to go buy her a chocolate milkshake even though what she actually said was "I really want a chocolate milkshake- too bad I'm a vegan." and you didn't even hear that part. riiiiiight... you're not whipped.

**Mike Chang, Matt Rutherford, and 4 others like this. **

**N. Puckerman **fuck off, all of you...

_glee_

**Message (1)**

**To: N. Puckerman**

**From: Santana Lopez**

**Subject: Rachel**

puckerman, when r u gonna getchya ass in gear and get up on berry? she was all OVER me once you left, cuz of how worked up she was. she wants you bad.

**Message (1)**

**To: Santana Lopez**

**From: N. Puckerman**

**Subject: Re: Rachel**

U know it's not that easy, lopez. Rach isn't just some hit n quit. she wants romance n some shit like that. not stuff i can just give her.

and shut the fuck up. unless ur gonna lemme join, i do NOT want to hear about u and berry's sex life.

**Message (1) **

**To: N. Puckerman**

**From: Santana Lopez**

**Subject: re:re:Rachel**

the hell it's not! u know she wants you and you want her for more than just sex. just make a goddamn move already, jesus!

and r u sure? cuz rach has come up with a quite an interesting use of a slushy... (; (; (;

**Message (1)**

**To: Santana Lopez**

**From: N. Puckerman**

**Subject: re:re:re:Rachel**

cocktease.

**Message (1)**

**To: N. Puckerman**

**From: Santana Lopez**

**Subject re:re:re:re:Rachel**

Pussy.

**Message (1)**

**To: Santana Lopez**

**From: N. Puckerman**

**Subject: re:re:re:re:re:Rachel**

Slut.

**Message (1)**

**To: N. Puckerman**

**From: Santana Lopez**

**Subject re:re:re:re:re:re:Rachel**

Man-whore.

**Message (1)**

**To: Santana Lopez**

**From: N. Puckerman**

**Subject: re:re:re:re:re:re:re:Rachel**

Krispy Kreme run in like... an hr?

**Message (1)**

**To: N. Puckerman**

**From: Santana Lopez**

**Subject re:re:re:re:re:re:re:re:Rachel**

Definitley.

**A/N: So, I still have a lot more I want to do with this, so the next chapter will still be related. **_**Then **_**they'll start getting to be one-shots. It's just a lot I want to do with this, and when in fb format, it all gets like aigfhdsakghsdkg. So, REVIEW PEOPLE! THEY MEAN THE WOOORLD. **

**AND DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE PUCKTANA FRIENDSHIP? i love it 3**

**oh and hellz no, glee isn't mine. **


	3. Minigolf and Serenades

**Finn Hudson** to **Rachel Berry** Listen, Rach... i'm srry abt the way i've been acting. it was uncalled for. i guess i was just... bitter or watever. friends?

**Rachel Berry** to **Finn Hudson** Oh, Finn! That means so much to me! Of course I will be friends with you! I really do love you Finn, just not like that. However, I enjoy spending time with you.

**Finn Hudson** to **Rachel Berry** im glad :D so... wanna go mini-golfing tm? ya know, as friends.

**Rachel Berry** to **Finn Hudson** Of course! I woud love to.

**Santana Lopez** *dislike*

**N. Puckerman** *double dislike*

_Glee_

**Message (1)**

**To: N. Puckerman**

**From: Santana Lopez**

Puckerman! do you understand wat get ur ass in gear means? Rach is goin mini-golfing w. Hudson tm!

**Message (1)**

**To: Santana Lopez**

**From: N. Puckerman**

they said it was just as friends...

**Message (1)**

**To: N. Puckerman**

**From: Santana Lopez**

OH, bullFUCKINGshit. You know that Finn will turn on the charm and rach will naively fall back into his arms. she loves that sappy shit. they dated for a while and she was in love with him for even longer. she can't turn off feelings that easily.

**Message (1)**

**To: Santana Lopez**

**From: N. Puckerman**

idk, san. maybe it's for the best. i mean, maybe finn's the rite guy for her...

**Message (1)**

**To: N. Puckerman**

**From: Santana Lopez**

THE HELL HE IS! Let's review: he kissed her while he was dating Quinn, then ran away. he kissed her just to get her back into glee so he could get a scholarship. he chose football over her. he dumped her to go on a date with me and britt. he never stood up for her. he was a total SHIT of a boyfriend. but u? u always stand up for her, u chose her over football, u protect her, u make her laugh, ur PERFECT for her. i mean srsly, u two are fucking soulmates.

**Message (1)**

**To: Santana Lopez**

**From: N. Puckerman**

lmao, damn, san. who knew u were such a sap?

**Message (1)**

**To: N. Puckerman**

**From: Santana Lopez**

oh what the fuck ever, fuckerman. just get ur girl.

_glee_

**Rachel Berry** Going mini-golfing with **Finn Hudson** tonight!

**Finn Hudson** likes this.

_glee_

**Finn Hudson **lil creeped out. some truck has been following rach and i for like... 30 min. **via facebook mobile**

**Santana Lopez** likes this.

_glee_

**Rachel Berry **to **N. Puckerman** Hey, Noah, where are you? **via facebook mobile. **

**N. Puckerman **to **Rachel Berry** seven-eleven, y? **via facebook mobile.**

**Rachel Berry** to **N. Puckerman** Some truck has been following Finn and I all night long. We hoped it was you, but if it's not then... I'm a bit frightened. **via facebook mobile.**

_glee_

**Finn Hudson** well, that was... awkward.

_glee_

**Rachel Berry** I am so enraged!

**Mercedes Jones** what happened?

**Rachel Berry **I-i wouldn't even know where to start!

**Tina Cohen-Chang** ...the beginning?

**Rachel Berry** Noah followed Finn and I around all night, then once we were finally at the mini-golf place, he got out, and gave me this huge monologue professing his love for me!

**Mike Chang, Tina Cohen-Chang, Santana Lopez, and 23 others like this.**

**Sam Evans** get it, Puck!

**Mercedes Jones** this is a bad thing... why?

**Rachel Berry** Uh, well, it just... I mean.. It just is!

**Kurt Hummel** Oh, diva, you got it baaaad.

_glee_

**N. Puckerman** to **Rachel Berry** Come on, babe. talk to me. I'm sorry. just... watever ur mad at me for, i'm sorry. just talk to me!

_glee_

**N. Puckerman** what sound does a rock make when it hits against a window?

**Matt Rutherford** uh... click?

_glee_

**N. Puckerman** to **Rachel Berry** click. click. click. click.

_glee_

**Rachel Berry** and **N. Puckerman are in a relationship. **

**Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce, Mike Chang, and 49 others like this. **

**Santana Lopez** fuckin' finally!

**Artie Abrahms **Tina, you owe me forty bucks.

**Tina Cohen- Chang** Dammit, Rach! You couldn't have just waited until tomorrow morning?

**N. Puckerman** I used my skeeeeeeeelz. my BADASS skeeeeeeeelz.

**Rachel Berry** If by "skeeeeeeeeeelz" you mean serenaded me outside of my window with a song you wrote yourself, and then proceeded to tell me everything you loved about me and the future you could see us having. Then yes, you posess "skeeeeeeeeeeeelz".

**Mike Chang** wccch.

**N. Puckerman **shut up, chang.

_glee_

**N. Puckerman** I just had sex, hey, and it felt so good. A woman let me put my penis inside of her.

**Mike Chang, Sam Evans, and 9 others like this. **

**Rachel Berry** NOAH ELIJAH PUCKERMAN, I cannot believe you! What we just shared was intimate and special and the fact that you would post about it like some trashy hook up makes me feel very hurt.

**Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce, and 103 others like this. **

**Mike Chang** uh, rach... it's a song.

**Rachel Berry** what?

**Quinn Fabray** ha, nice going, rach. you just ousted yourself. don't bother deleting it. everyone's seen it by now.

**Rachel Berry** But... NOAH PUCKERMAN! YOU TRICKED ME INTO SAYING THAT WE JUST HAD SEX! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU EVEN MORE!

**N. Puckerman** whaaaat? little old me? now come on, babe. I'm not that smart. (;

**Rachel Berry** two words: CUT. OFF.

**N. Puckerman** OH COME ON! DON'T BE LIKE THAT! my hot little jew american princess, no!

**Rachel Berry** cut. off.

**N. Puckerman** well, fuck.

**a/n: well, there you have it! sorry for the late update. i've been busy working on other things. this is the last related facebook one. the next will all be unrelated vignettes. i hope you liked it. REVIEW!**


End file.
